Distant Love

The world is clueless to what I see
Dreams are forever
For whatever may be
Feelings run deep
In the mind of the unknown
In the darkness there's a light far off in the distance
Nice the heart is felt
Theres little power of resistance
Nights move on to days and future to past
When does the dream begin and will it last
The light in the distance could be a sun
Is there a world spinning around just like this one
When touched from the heart one may never known
To feel the pleasure and let it show
Love for desire from the heart
All can see
Desire for live in the heart deep inside me
To see a feeling and touch a sound
To feel a silent kiss is one I have found
It's one that's sweet
And hard to resist
A love from my past if one I have
I keep the feeling inside my heart
The dreams of finding him and never part
So the story goes as I sit alone
Thinking of what may be far away from home

I Fear

I fear
YOU
Your sweetness
your personality
The inside part of you
I fear
My fantasies of you
The sweetness of your lips touching mine
My dreams and how one day they may come true
I fear
The caressing of our bodies
Your laughter
Your breath taking voice
I fear
Your wants and needs
The scent of your cologne
The warmness of your never ending embrace
I fear
This obsession for you
That may, one day, infect, turn into something real
...but what I fear the most is the way you ignore my perpetual love.

Still/ In love

"Still"

usually when two people are together for a long time
things seem to change
it's been said nothing good lasts forever but this love gets better every day,
we get all excited inside everytime that we get alone,
he still got love in his eyes, and I still got love in my soul
Still, feels like the first time we met that I kissed and I told you I love you,
we still run around like teenagers even though we're grown and married with kids,
and we still talk on the phone for hours when I'm away
and he still writes letters and send me flowers every other day,
the question everybody ask is how we make it last
I tell them
I still
he still
we still
Now I still smile in the morning, when I realize when I'm still in his arms,
we know everything about each other, but we still keep holding on - yeah,
we're never gonna break up
we'll be always there to make up as long as we stick together
we'll climb higher,
I'm gonna ride with him to the wire,
our love is never gonna end we're on fire,
We go through problems like everybody else (but I really don't mind)
but I don't mind 'cause it makes us keep it fresh
what's sadder than an argument is the thought we may have never been
He's my lover, my baby's father, my lifetime partner and my friend,
still the man of my dreams,
he still, still the man for me and I'm still in love with him so deeply,
I think I'll sing it again
He's still, still the man of my dreams,
he's still, still the man for me and I'm still in love with him deep deeply

I love this Song!!! Its like I cant get enuff od singing it. I want to fall in love on day and I want my love to de exactly like this. Is that possible?  

Loved Wrong !!

Hello friends,
Since June I have been going though a bad love spell. It seems not to ever want to go away. My love spell makes me sad and gets me depressed at times. I have found that blogging makes me feel better. So I have decided to blogg about my love spell. I welcome all your comment and advise towards my situation.

Here it goes...

Back in December, I was reconnected with an old friend from high school. I will not expose his name so we will call him Brody. We were both in our hometown for the holidays and came across one another one day. We begin to talk on a daily basis, just about how life and school have been since we graduated from high school. Towards the end of winter break he informed me that in January he would be moving to Albany ( where I attend school) to be closer to his his other family. We both were excited to be on the same town. You know just a familiar face on a fairly new place.

Once we were both in Albany thing were good. We stayed in contact with each other. We hung out together, just like high school all over again. We became really comfortable with each other. Things got to the point where we talked all day and made the effort to see each other everyday or at least every other day. We were both single / just getting out of horrible relationships and situations being close to each other every day made us both grow feeling for each other. Even tho we both expressed that we didn't want to be on a relationship, we played the role. When I say played the role I mean we acted as girlfriend and boyfriend. He was the only guy I was talking to and vice versa. We let things go too far to soon. But I was loving the love and attention he showed me.

So I'm thinking everything is fine. But it wasn't.

One night I'm out with the girls for dinner and my phone rings. It's a unknown number so I don't answer. But the number calls again. This time I answer. A girl on the other line asks " what you and Brody be talking about on the phone for hours everyday". I don't like drama so I hung up the phone. She begin to call again and again and agin back to back to back. I had to take the battery out of my phone for her to stop calling me.
At one time Brody had explained to me the horrible situation with him and his ex girlfriend. So I figured that somehow she has found out that he has moved on and she now feels some type of way. But I'm not the person she needs to be checking. Anywhoo....

Later that night I was still upset this female was calling my phone. So, I turn my phone back on and called Brody. He answers and before I can even say anything he burst out saying " please tell her there is nothing goin on between us at all".
At this point I am shocked because we sit up all night and talk about the bad things our exs have done to us and how we both deserve better. I was confused because he said there us nothing going on between us but we spend so much time together everyday. So I'm super hot at this time. I let me emotions get the best of me and gave him a piece of my mind. After I hung up with him she called me again and time time I let her have it as well. I then turned my phone off and went to sleep super mad.
Over the next couple of days I was depressed. I had gotten used to hanging out with Brody everyday that my life was boring without him. I had so much angry against him for that. The situation wasn't that major but it was a big deal to me. During times we spent together we shared alot with each other and he did the exact thing I said I told him I hated.
I just couldn't understand. So for a long time I was mad as hell.
He tried to contact me and apologize a couple of times but I wasn't hearing it AT ALL.

Somehow, Brody texts me one day in like in March. I guess I was over with being mad because I replied and agreed to meet him. We met and it was a little weird. He explained hisself to me and I told him how I truly felt. We decide to put that situation behind us and move forward. Once again we began hanging out and talking religiously everyday. I felt like my life was complete again. Until one day Brody told me he loved me. I didn't know how to handle my emotion. I just cried in his arms. He was confused and asked me why I was crying I could really explain myself. But it was mainly a rush of emotions that made me cry because I felt the same way I just didn't know how to say it to him. After that night we became even closer. I felt like this was the real thing because I didn't want anything from Brody but his love, respect, and support and he didn't seem to have any hidden agendas with me. It was like I was in paradise. But suddenly things change again. At first I could put my figure on the problem. It wasn't until his ex girlfriend tagged my name in her status on Facebook that I realized that she was back in the picture again. Again I was hurt. But I didn't let this situation go so easily. I needed and explanation and I was determined to get it. I wanted to know why Brody continued to hurt me in this way. I never did anything to deserve his dishonesty. I was always honest and straight forth with him. I would do anything for him. Without my control I fell in love with him and dint realize it until he hurt me again. This time when his ex came back into the situation she came back full force.
I WAS SOO HURT- PARTS OF ME ARE STILL HURT!!!

Everything happened so quickly and it was all pushed on me. I should be completely done with Brody. But I stupid in love with him because his love is so wrong. Even after the last night crying the long days fussing and the spoke and unspoken words I still want him. I miss him. I know the he is no good for me. I know I deserve better, but I want him. He loved me ol so wrong but I fell in love with that. I don't understand how or why. The safest part about it is I am not confident that I could ever change my feelings, will I allow him to treat me like this for the rest of my life?

Gospel Explosion

This week is what I've been waiting for all year. It's homecoming week!!!! HOMECOMING WEEK IT'S HOMECOMING WEEK WE DON'T GO TO CLASS AND WE DON'T GET NO SLEEP... homecoming at the UNSINKABLE Albany State University. Last night was the official cookout and kickoff and today was another kickoff and the gospel explosion. Every year the gospel explosion is awesome. This year tops all. Miss KeKe Shear was the guest artist along with a couple local artist and they magnificent. My soul was really feed and I love my UNSINKABLE Albany State University!!!

Dating. Relationships. Love.

What is dating?

Many people my age don't even known what dating is.The definition of dating has dramatically changed over the years. Now-a-days guys don't even bother to ask a girl out on a date. Things like dinner and movie, walking in the park and picnics on the beach no longer exist.Guys today just want to SMASH with NO CUFFIN'. What makes the situation wrong is -- the ladies accept it. We are all guilty of it. I say WE because every women is guilty of it once in their life. "Aye, Shawty can I have yo number?" or "Hey, Lil'Mama" is not the way to approach a lady. As young women we should not entertain this foolishness but we see money and material things before we realize what is actually being said to us. WE ACCEPT FOOLISHNESS. This is unacceptable... THERE NEEDS TO BE A CHANGE.

What's so hard about stepping to me and asking me my name? What's so hard about getting to know me and who I really am? What's so hard about learning the little things about me? Can you even tell me what my favorite color is without me even telling you? What do you really know about me? What do we know about each other? Being in a relationship is hard these days, but starting a relationship is even harder.

What happened to the traditionally way of dating? Guy picks girl up and takes girl out. At dinner guy pulls out ladies chair for her , open ALL doors and treats her like a lady. What happened to all that? I thought the older you get the easier this dating game gets. But I was wrong. I have experienced the puppy love. Late nights on the phone "You hang up first" , "No, you hang up first", "Let's both hang up at the same time". Or the I love You's and I love you more's. I have the experienced the ruff love. The love when you don't know your worth and will put up with anything just to have him around. But I haven't experienced the RIGHT love. The love that is worth fighting for during the trying times. The love that keeps you on your toes. The love that makes your heart melt. The love that you will die for. Will I ever experience that?

All I want is a nice guy, who is decent looking, and is successful in life to approach me in a respectful manner. Something like "Excuse Miss, My name is ..." and spark the most interesting conversation that I have ever had with another human being. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK? If that could happen, I would give him my number and ask him to call me later.

I don't want a guy who's M-O is just to SMASH and move to the next. I don't want to be nobodies BOO THING or FRIEND, there's no benefit in that. I want to be his leading lady. His one and only lady.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

I Am Not My HAIR!

                 


Long Permed Hair.   Short-Layered Cutt.    Chopped off and Natural.

As a little girl, growing up I was in love with my hair. I had long thick wavy black mixed with brown hair.I loved to sit between my mother's lap as she combed my long wavy thick hair. She would put several small pony tails and ribbons in my hair. I made me feel sooo PRETTY! What I loved evn more, was those sunday mornings when my grandma would do my hair. She would sit me up on a stool in the kitchen. With a iron curling iron on the stove eye, she would give me small baby doll curls with a FLASHY hair peice to top it off. I'd smile ear to ear anytime I had my hair done.

As I got old my fetish with my hair grew larger. I always had to have a hair style. And I was picky about th way I wore my hair or who woould do my hair. I felt as if the right hair do would bring spark to my soft skin and light carmel complextion. That was the only way I saw myself as being BEAUTIFUL truely. My baby face, soft smooth skin, and goo grade of hair made me. It made me BEAUTIFUL. I felt that without my hair and cute face I was nothing an would never be anything.

Entering college [Shouts out to The UNSINKABLE Albany State University] I began to mature in a lot of ways. I began to see that I wasn't the only BEAUTIFUL girl and that I wasn't just BEAUTIFUL because of my face and hair. Attending a HBCU in the south, you see alot of types of BEAUTY. I quickly learned, that its not whats on th outside but whats on the inside that makes you BEAUTIFUL truely. In the past I was full of myself and thought only about "self". Now, I realize that everything can't be about me. I am BEAUTIFUL because I have a bubble personality and a gentle, loving, and kind heart. My appearance is just something extra put together by God. I am more that a cute face. I am Human. I am Me. I love. I cry. Sometimes I'm happy. Sometimes I'm sad. I smile. I frown. But at the end of every day I lay my head ddown to sleep, by the grace of God every morning I wake up and I'm me.

When I realized this I could finally let go of what wasn't truely needed. I CUTT MY HAIR. I made a physical change. I'm still Beautiful from inside to out and from head to toe.

                                                   I am NOT my Hair
                                                         I am Me.
                                                B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L
                                Pressed down. Shaken together. Runnnin Over.

Greetings!!

Hello....

Last night as I was laying in my bed on twitter, I clicked on a link of a Dear Friend's Blog (Shout Out to Former Miss ASU Essence Gant). I read her blog and decided that I wanted to start blogging. She was my inspiration. As I read her blog I was really able to see that blogging can be a way of just simply expressing your feelings while networking with the world. I'm all into networking and adventures. This is something new for me and I think I am going to like it. Blogging is my "New Thing". [LOL] I look forward to my new adventure...