Loved Wrong !!

Hello friends,
Since June I have been going though a bad love spell. It seems not to ever want to go away. My love spell makes me sad and gets me depressed at times. I have found that blogging makes me feel better. So I have decided to blogg about my love spell. I welcome all your comment and advise towards my situation.

Here it goes...

Back in December, I was reconnected with an old friend from high school. I will not expose his name so we will call him Brody. We were both in our hometown for the holidays and came across one another one day. We begin to talk on a daily basis, just about how life and school have been since we graduated from high school. Towards the end of winter break he informed me that in January he would be moving to Albany ( where I attend school) to be closer to his his other family. We both were excited to be on the same town. You know just a familiar face on a fairly new place.

Once we were both in Albany thing were good. We stayed in contact with each other. We hung out together, just like high school all over again. We became really comfortable with each other. Things got to the point where we talked all day and made the effort to see each other everyday or at least every other day. We were both single / just getting out of horrible relationships and situations being close to each other every day made us both grow feeling for each other. Even tho we both expressed that we didn't want to be on a relationship, we played the role. When I say played the role I mean we acted as girlfriend and boyfriend. He was the only guy I was talking to and vice versa. We let things go too far to soon. But I was loving the love and attention he showed me.

So I'm thinking everything is fine. But it wasn't.

One night I'm out with the girls for dinner and my phone rings. It's a unknown number so I don't answer. But the number calls again. This time I answer. A girl on the other line asks " what you and Brody be talking about on the phone for hours everyday". I don't like drama so I hung up the phone. She begin to call again and again and agin back to back to back. I had to take the battery out of my phone for her to stop calling me.
At one time Brody had explained to me the horrible situation with him and his ex girlfriend. So I figured that somehow she has found out that he has moved on and she now feels some type of way. But I'm not the person she needs to be checking. Anywhoo....

Later that night I was still upset this female was calling my phone. So, I turn my phone back on and called Brody. He answers and before I can even say anything he burst out saying " please tell her there is nothing goin on between us at all".
At this point I am shocked because we sit up all night and talk about the bad things our exs have done to us and how we both deserve better. I was confused because he said there us nothing going on between us but we spend so much time together everyday. So I'm super hot at this time. I let me emotions get the best of me and gave him a piece of my mind. After I hung up with him she called me again and time time I let her have it as well. I then turned my phone off and went to sleep super mad.
Over the next couple of days I was depressed. I had gotten used to hanging out with Brody everyday that my life was boring without him. I had so much angry against him for that. The situation wasn't that major but it was a big deal to me. During times we spent together we shared alot with each other and he did the exact thing I said I told him I hated.
I just couldn't understand. So for a long time I was mad as hell.
He tried to contact me and apologize a couple of times but I wasn't hearing it AT ALL.

Somehow, Brody texts me one day in like in March. I guess I was over with being mad because I replied and agreed to meet him. We met and it was a little weird. He explained hisself to me and I told him how I truly felt. We decide to put that situation behind us and move forward. Once again we began hanging out and talking religiously everyday. I felt like my life was complete again. Until one day Brody told me he loved me. I didn't know how to handle my emotion. I just cried in his arms. He was confused and asked me why I was crying I could really explain myself. But it was mainly a rush of emotions that made me cry because I felt the same way I just didn't know how to say it to him. After that night we became even closer. I felt like this was the real thing because I didn't want anything from Brody but his love, respect, and support and he didn't seem to have any hidden agendas with me. It was like I was in paradise. But suddenly things change again. At first I could put my figure on the problem. It wasn't until his ex girlfriend tagged my name in her status on Facebook that I realized that she was back in the picture again. Again I was hurt. But I didn't let this situation go so easily. I needed and explanation and I was determined to get it. I wanted to know why Brody continued to hurt me in this way. I never did anything to deserve his dishonesty. I was always honest and straight forth with him. I would do anything for him. Without my control I fell in love with him and dint realize it until he hurt me again. This time when his ex came back into the situation she came back full force.
I WAS SOO HURT- PARTS OF ME ARE STILL HURT!!!

Everything happened so quickly and it was all pushed on me. I should be completely done with Brody. But I stupid in love with him because his love is so wrong. Even after the last night crying the long days fussing and the spoke and unspoken words I still want him. I miss him. I know the he is no good for me. I know I deserve better, but I want him. He loved me ol so wrong but I fell in love with that. I don't understand how or why. The safest part about it is I am not confident that I could ever change my feelings, will I allow him to treat me like this for the rest of my life?